[WILL TAKES OFF HIS COAT. HE'S WEARING A BRIGHT RED VEST.]
GRACE: [TO WILL] Good morning, vest!
JACK: [TO WILL] Uh, mine's the tan Camry with the scratch on the side.

JACK: Um, Karen, we just learned the Heimlich Maneuver in class, and I'm dying to use it. Could you choke tonight?
KAREN: Well, honey... You know that I like to support your education, let's try.
JACK: Okay.
[JACK PICKS UP A BOWL OF OLIVES AND BEGINS DROPPING THEM IN KAREN'S MOUTH.]
KAREN: [WITH MOUTH FULL] No, no. I'm okay.
[JACK DROPS MORE OLIVES INTO KAREN'S MOUTH.]
KAREN: [WITH MOUTH FULL] No. Not choking.
[JACK DROPS MORE OLIVES INTO KAREN'S MOUTH.]
KAREN: [WITH MOUTH FULL] No, no, no.
[JACK DROPS MORE OLIVES INTO KAREN'S MOUTH.]
KAREN: [WITH MOUTH FULL] Still alive.
[JACK DROPS MORE OLIVES INTO KAREN'S MOUTH.]
KAREN: [WITH MOUTH FULL] Nothing.

JACK: Oh, my God, Karen, isn't that Candice Bergen, your arch-enemy-slash-best-friend?
[JACK AND KAREN LOOK OVER AT THE MAITRE D' STAND. CANDICE BERGIN IS TALKING TO THE MAITRE D'.]
KAREN: Oh, my god. This is a nightmare-slash-delightful.

KAREN: Yeah, I saw you in Sweet Home Miss Congeniality.
CANDICE: Those were two different movies.
KAREN: Were they? Not from my airplane seat... oh yeah I liked that.

[KAREN WALKS OFF. JACK WALKS INTO THE BAR, TO FIND WILL SIPPING AN APPLE MARTINI.]
WILL: [TO JACK, HAPPILY] There he is! There's the man. What's the good word?
JACK: Ew. Who are you? What're you doing? You're oddly confident and overly familiar. [GASPS] You met someone! Who was it? Was it someone in just a pair of sleeves and a collar? Did he complete you?

[JACK WALKS UP TO THE BARTENDER.]
JACK: Excuse me, I'm student nurse McFarland. If any men here need breast exams, I'm at table five. Okay?
[JACK POINTS HIS FINGER AT THE BARTENDER TO MAKE HIS POINT:]
JACK: Men.
...

[BACK IN THE BAR, JACK IS STILL WITH THE BARTENDER.]
JACK: [TO THE BARTENDER] Men.

[KAREN RUNS INTO THE BAR.]
KAREN: Honey, help! You were right. Practical jokes are dangerous. I put a balloon in her soup and now she's choking. I think Candice Bergen is going to die!

JACK: Uh, step 1: "Identify the victim." Oh, my God, it's Candice Bergen, I'm a big fan! Heh-heh. Step 2--
KAREN: Hurry, hurry!
JACK: Okay.
[JACK MOVES BEHIND CANDICE BERGEN AND BEGINS GIVING HER THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER.]
[JACK MOVES AROUND TO LOOK AT CANDICE BERGEN.]
[CANDICE HOLDS HER HAND TO HER MOUTH AND COUGHS, BLOWING CONFETTI ALL OVER JACK'S FACE.]
JACK: How dare you?! I thought her liver exploded! I was about to give her a tracheotomy.
KAREN: [LAUGHING] Honey.
JACK: [LAUGHS] Okay, that's kinda funny. Confetti, Candice Bergen.