interface for me

like there is not an interface working for me. 

used to:
dlww. blogspot.  and this is not much changed (thank you).
dlcs.  which did change, and pinboard is better.  and I did manage to engage enough to set up mirroring, and have the poss cld engage more and start to use primarily pinbrd (though can I mirror back to dlcs?  is okay with me if not?  shall I start a new acct? ~ no..)

but it's like, everybody else not clicking on the same links.  as the blogger-columnist I liked ~ fr israel, said already ~10 yrs ago
maybe what everybody else clicked on is facebook?  and twitter? 

why is that not okay with me, like a link blog.  (some ppl's fbk & twitters are, right?0

and all the other sites got bigger visually and loadily.

no one now I follow.  maamyyra I was reading, was a current following. stopped writing.  now a revisiting, a book to look at.   and there is gazpachot I like, and now nounasverb (erin) but yet not a following.


is it interface.  or ~ just, it takes the energy ~ libido? ~ for me to engage, and then here it is okay. 

okay if I cannot have enthusiasm for ~ books?

and so maybe, could it be okay?
if I am not all that.  what?  the current example, the book ctr:  knowing about.  all the books.  ~ well, my concern is less about not-knowing and more about not-caring  ---- innit?   about being *supposed* to have favorites.  opinions.

do I not have opinions? but of course I do. so what is it I mean when say or fear that I will not have, not in way can perform, not in way supposed to?
I am quick to note a possible opinion I can perform. a favorite book! not a lie.  True Deceiver, say, think of bcs was on staff recommends.  and Lolly Willows too.    but what will I say?  I will have to make it up.  unless I say what?  True Deceiver I could read when things not making sense. when very sad.  bcs it is: this. this. this.  /d n say much about: why?  but at lst that is a real qstn.  .. real qstns is the best way I can do this?  as with Time for Everything.  Knaussgard.  What *is*this book?  What is in it?  What show is this, what kind of show, what is happening here?  what are the phenomena, incl what ppl say -- but to me are ppl saying wh I find in book (No, in that case.  they are saying the sort of thing ppl say, handed to you, 'encyclopedic treatment of angels', to the exclusion of saying much at all about what is in this book.  what do the words say.
and so, the issue is that that is 1) difficult.  to articulate.  and 2) not a recommendation, in the way *supposed* to present  ???

simpler ~ more to the point ~ I am afraid bcs not enthusiastic.  bcs lacking incentive, faith - for the books.  bcs am sad.  bcs d n think it matters, unless it matters to you.  and it hardly matters to me. to read it.    bcs am not hoping.  not hopeful.

km, why is this very hard for me? 


and so, could it be okay?  if my mind is not full of knowing, enthusiasm, here you go!
if that is not my deal.    
/what is sad in life is to not be yrslf.  not be true to. ~  actor Noel Fisher re his char Micky on Shameless coming out.     however I do agree with Micky, what makes ___ is me and you.  not what these assholes think.  "“Ian what you and I have, that makes me free. Not what these assholes know.”"     and wh Noel Fisher tweeted is not how I wld say, though maybe only bcs ~ too over-familiar. otherwise fine. 'true to one's self.'  I go to Hughes, TSE.  //


others do not have minds of my deal, cannot I be that and that be okay?  my deal ~ tabula rasa.  what is this.  associations.  tangents -  touching.  question.  standing in.   floats horse floats as.
or ?

not an ethic of deserving. / but of luck?

km:

talking about deserving.
and ~ about, what is this called:   . . . obligation?
~ some rich bougie girl done nothing with her life.     =  how is this about deserving?  you didn't deserve this privilege, and so you owe? 

******  better, to talk about:  luck.  *****  what else, how else?

tell me again km...  // you articulate.  the well thought well felt.  most humane and most decent?  toward people, as a public and private.  for me, the compliment from Lloyd, my face opening at the superlative: maro treats ppl w more humanity and decency than anyone ever met. / *treats*  especially when sense gentle need, a welcoming of ~mere~ decency.  kindness, yes. not just seeming.  but maybe only if with someone not mannered.  someone first day at work at a place I am already used to, easy at.  someone quiet, ~ need for that to be okay.  easy, to give.  / and I am not, like km, able to think of 'people' as if really exist.  persons, thou, but not them. (and of course even I-thou, failingly.)   //

tell me again: bcs you have this you shld.. / vs ? luck. 
& Lyn Hejinian experience not as narrative, so political not about ethic of deserving.
and the very next week, eleanor johnson says this? "she and I .just agree'  /agree/ 
my: a political 'the personal is political' I can feel relevant.  not: for me to be disregarded.
relevant to me bcs about ~ not history, not a narrative. 

/ my, also not narrative: also cadences, associations.  as below. ||  cannot that be the poem?  leslie scalapino floats horse as horse floats.  went out in to it intuit.  It's go in horizontal
all the directions. tangents - touching.  I will say more, I will form it, too, it can be ongoing conversation i-thou you do not know in advance what the other person is saying. ~ nor does the person saying. /

my, not about deserving: gifts and needs. /re r bespallof, by author of Death of Virgil, = Hermann Broch.  always have to get to his name this way.  and Virgil is Maro.  [Publius Vergilius Maro (October 15, 70 BC – September 21, 19 BC), usually called Virgil or Vergil /ˈvɜrdʒəl/ in English, was an ancient Roman poet] so this is all my.  //    
if the gift is not to your need?   
or ~ cruelty of melancholy, if not received the gift of loss.  of grief ~fulfilled.  
of grief fulflilled.  /echo is cs lewis grief observed/    then all is surfeit, too much, not the thing.
|| not the droid you're looking for.  come get me yesterday.   are you my mother?
 you can't make a record if you can't make a record .. Well, you can't make a record if you ain't got nothing to say. /shotgun willie . nelson /
guy in army, wandering saying only "is this it? is this it?"  mental illeness discharge - paper handed to.  "this is it!"  = to me?  needing? the one thing?  and here it is the thing that gets you out.  you saying No, you saying I prefer not to -- the thing that says: Okay, so you don't.  

___________
back to the politics:  what is gained by saying privilege?  rather than luck.
~ talk about structure.  ?

"But you don't ~ " / "Meaning you ~ "

"But you don't ~ "

Alison in Orphan Black to neighbor's husband saying "I shld hv a problm w this" after she says "I'm objectifying you."


"Meaning you ~ "

Mario in The Wire to Prop Joe at Co-op Meeting discussing new territory to go to East-siders.  Prop Joe: "Well. I am East Side."



// with km. what does this cadence do? ~ calling out ~ in way opens possibility