YouTube - Mitch Hedberg on Conan
if you don't know a lightbulb is a three-way lightbulb, it messes with your head. 'cause you go to turn it off, and it just gets brighter. like, darn it lightbulb, that is the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do...

now is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or a really cool opotamus?

I got a belt on holding up my pants. my pants have loops holding up my belt. who's the real hero?

Dr.Schull makes foot products. it doesn't take a lot to figure out that stepping on a cushion would be more comfortable.
that dude wasted a lot of time at school. 'cause I woulda bought that from a Mr. Schull.