not-wanting is endless. whence this endless not-wanting? paradise lost. 'I do not think that they will sing to me'.
wanting only what is already a loss, because? that is what is you know. "do you love him?' 'I know him' "it's not the same' 'it feels the same to me' desire only for what presents its own absence. what takes away as it gives. 'happy but for so happy, ill-secure'

prufrock, iona moon, cslewis surprised by joy quoting milton as epigram to first chapter re childhood

you only need one poem. (chesterton: only need one woman.) is this to confuse a poem with a mother? you only need one, but oh if you do not have even one -
(winnicott: good enough mothering)

any is too much. not what you wanted, not paradise. "that is not it, that is not it at all."

not negotiable. absolute. viable or not viable. I will, I will not. I would prefer not to.
it is okay or it is not okay, no, not at all.

"too much is not enough?"