Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago - PREVIOUSLY ON LOST:
*note that "Previously on Lost" is title of this imagined summary scene + title of a band that sings recaps + title of the youtube video where one guy watches all of lost straight "henry gale's the leader! .. there are two islands!"
PILOT: So, we have a little time and the auto-pilot’s on. How ‘bout you tell me about the island?
JACK: Well, we lived on the beach, mostly, except for the time we lived in the cave with the skeletons and the time we lived in the secret underground bunker with the lending library and the time we lived in the village
Otherville built by the scientists Dharma that the people who don’t age Others/Hostiles/Richard Alpert et al gassed to death with the help of their leader, my third nemesis, the nebbishy con man with spine cancer Ben, which we took over when the freighter people came to kill everybody. We ate wild boar and fish, and then the supplies stashed in the storeroom of the bunker, and then the scientists who the people who don’t age gassed to death were nice enough to replenish our food by airdrop, but only once, but that was okay, because the people who don’t age had some agriculture that we completely ignored while we stood in front of their refrigerators with the doors open. And I saw my dead dad just hanging around on the island, which I didn’t think too much about because I was preoccupied with the smoke monster and the baby stealing and the mind games with the nebbishy guy and the power struggle with my second nemesis, the formerly paralyzed bald survivalist mystic Locke, who was, frankly, nuts. so who is first nemesis? hmmmmm ... never says.
PILOT: Nuts, you say?
JACK: Yeah, man of faith,
thought the bunker wanted you to punch Hurley’s lotto numbers into the computer every few hours, and I was like, it’s a GAME, you lose, sucker.
PILOT: And?
JACK: So he finally came around after
the shipwrecked sailor Desmond who lived in the bunker for two years told him that you had to punch the numbers, which obviously meant you didn’t have to punch the numbers. Which, come to think of it, I guess he was right in the first place. who? Missed the numbers, cratered the whole freaking bunker, knocked the guy who used to live there Desmond right into last Tuesday. Literally. nice.
...
JACK: Wait, what did we miss when we were on the island for a flexible length of time?
PILOT: Every financial institution you’ve ever heard of is out of business, America fell in love with a gay cowboy movie, and we elected a Black college professor President instead of a war hero.
JACK: We find your story implausible.

-Of course, that was precisely Jack's reaction, despite all he'd been through to that point, when Ben told him the Red Sox had won the World Series.

No comments:

Archive